After Elliot Rodger decided to murder the women who had rejected him—women he felt entitled to, per his deranged and misogynistic “manifesto”—millions of women began tweeting under #YesAllWomen about the sexism, sexual violence, and misogyny they experience on a daily basis. When some men—but not all men (sorry)—began responding to those tweets with variations on “We’re not all like that!” the #NotAllMen hashtag was born, OSW, and it was a critique. As Phil Plait wrote at Slate: “Why is it not helpful to say ‘Not all men are like that’? For lots of reasons. For one, women know this. They already know not every man is a rapist, or a murderer, or violent. They don’t need you to tell them… Instead of being defensive and distracting from the topic at hand [misogyny, sexism, violence], try staying quiet for a while and actually listening to what the thousands upon thousands of women discussing this are saying.”
So I’m a little hesitant to invite men to share their not-all-like-that stories, OSW, because I agree with Plait: Maybe men should shut up and listen? And then there’s this: It’s also entirely possible for a guy to do the right thing on one occasion—dropping a male friend who did something shitty to a female friend—and then immediately turn around and do something deeply shitty himself. Men shouldn’t be encouraged to think that one noble act frees them—frees all of us—from our collective responsibility as men to fight sexism and misogyny.
But I’m running your letter, OSW, and inviting women—stick a cork in it, menz—to jump into the comment thread and share your stories about men who’ve done the right thing. This is not meant to exonerate men of their responsibility to fight sexism and misogyny, or to minimize the problem because “not all men are like that,” but to give men who are reading concrete examples of what it looks like when a dude fights sexism and misogyny.
— Dan Savage, Savage Love
I’ve been riding a wave of intense change. sometimes everything hits at once. although I’ve been ready for things to be different, this somehow feels too abrput, too sudden and I can’t find my footing.
one thing that always helps is getting out into nature. it allows you to step back & get some perspective on things. a quiet place to think, to walk, and maybe even to pick some blackberries.
this is Glen Canyon Park, a forested oasis in the middle of the city. I had never been but was craving some hiking trails & tree-line paths.
some much-needed time in the woods provides space. to breathe. to think. to slow down the mind and listen to the heart.
it was gorgeous. it reminded me that peace is possible. and that life provides in abundance.
and so we return to the path with renewed spirit. with a reminder that the heart always calls to us, no matter how softly.
"It’s appealing to imagine that if we can just get that one thing in our life to work out— […] that everything will be solved, absolved, good to go for good. I slipped into that way of thinking way too often, I admitted to Missy, even though I knew that sometimes in life all of a sudden there you were—standing with your Technics turntables just across the Canadian border, and you’re not a new you, you’re just you, but in Canada."
— Davy Rothbart, My Heart is an Idiot
no, but really:
summer is sweet, ya’ll. things are in full bloom, the days are loooong, and everyone wants to be outside all the time. my favorite.
plus, things like foraging:
I picked these blackberries straight off the vine. they grow wild around these parts, and man, are they plentiful!
then there are these beautiful pinkish plums that came from a neighbor’s tree. I don’t know what they are called, but they are wonderfully small and delicate. it was hard to get much flesh from these tiny gems after removing the hefty pit, but they added an amazing tart flavor to the jam.
plums, blackberries, and lavender. in they all went into a pot together to simmer and combine.
it turned out soooo delicious! I left the jam fairly chunky, barely smushing the fruit with the stirring spoon. I had to add what seemed like an awful lot of sugar, only because the reduction of the plums caused a very tart flavor to develop.
in the end, tart and sweet win my heart. again.